Have you ever been arrested by a mall cop?

I drove to the mall this afternoon cause I thought it would cheer me up. I had no money so i climed into the big fountian in the mall and was sloshing around picking up pennies and nickles so i could maybe buy a hotdog or a pretzel cause i was so hungry and the mall cops started yelling at me so i climbed out and tried to run away but my shoes were full of water and was splashing all over the floor and the cops slipped down and fell. I almost made it to Sears before they caught up with me and I started crying and blubbering and begging them to please take me to prison so i could git away from my harpie wife for a few years. I suppose when i peed myself in the managers office was the turning point cause he just told me to git on out and never do that again so i sloshed my way through the parking lot and climed into my old chevy tahoe with the faded paint and bald tires and a feather pillow on my seat to cover the hole and chugged on home. My wife's car was in the driveway when i got there and knew she was gonna give me hell cause i had been ignoring her calls and texts so i just sat in the driveway and screamed into my hands for about five minutes before i went in and started fighting. Am i the biggest loser in the world?